i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
