JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
