The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Holy shit dude........stairs
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
