cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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