Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I need a burrito and a hug.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
