I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
