fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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