ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
