Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize