And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
