foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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