if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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