I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The air was thick with penises
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
