Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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