you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
