watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
