I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You pole danced in your parka.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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