she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
