On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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