She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
