Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The air taste purple.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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