That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
