If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
