I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
