the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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