He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Less talking, more tequila
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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