I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
