You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
