Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
