i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm like, not good at living.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
