What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
