So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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