life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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