if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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