I wanna passion pit in your ass
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
FUCK WHALES
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