I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
