She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
