that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
