Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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