Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
