listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
