I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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