I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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