as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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