I'm gonna have a badass scar
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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