dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
