i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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