dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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