You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
