Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
