Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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