I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize