I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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