there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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