Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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