He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize