If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize