i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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