chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
