opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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