Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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