wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize