i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
