when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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