You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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