Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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