Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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