dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
