I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
