I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
