Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
