I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
