I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
