i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize