If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
