You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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