When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
