Your dad touched me again.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
