We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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