you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
