you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
