youre lurking in front of me
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize