I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
