I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
