guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
