listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
