No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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