Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize