I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
