If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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