How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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