dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
