Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
