she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Less talking, more tequila
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
