I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize