He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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