I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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