Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
