There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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