I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
