you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
