So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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