Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize