i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
