I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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