were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize