Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
